If programming languages were religions...

Copied from: http://www.aegisub.net/2008/12/if-programming-languages-were-religions.html

"If programming languages were religions"
(Inspired by "If programming languages were cars")

C would be Judaism - it's old and restrictive, but most of the world is familiar with its laws and respects them. The catch is, you can't convert into it - you're either into it from the start, or you will think that it's insanity. Also, when things go wrong, many people are willing to blame the problems of the world on it.

Java would be Fundamentalist Christianity - it's theoretically based on C, but it voids so many of the old laws that it doesn't feel like the original at all. Instead, it adds its own set of rigid rules, which its followers believe to be far superior to the original. Not only are they certain that it's the best language in the world, but they're willing to burn those who disagree at the stake.

PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity - Fights with Java for the web market. It draws a few concepts from C and Java, but only those that it really likes. Maybe it's not as coherent as other languages, but at least it leaves you with much more freedom and ostensibly keeps the core idea of the whole thing. Also, the whole concept of "goto hell" was abandoned.

C++ would be Islam - It takes C and not only keeps all its laws, but adds a very complex new set of laws on top of it. It's so versatile that it can be used to be the foundation of anything, from great atrocities to beautiful works of art. Its followers are convinced that it is the ultimate universal language, and may be angered by those who disagree. Also, if you insult it or its founder, you'll probably be threatened with death by more radical followers.

C# would be Mormonism - At first glance, it's the same as Java, but at a closer look you realize that it's controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it'd probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn't discriminate so much against you for following it.

Lisp would be Zen Buddhism - There is no syntax, there is no centralization of dogma, there are no deities to worship. The entire universe is there at your reach - if only you are enlightened enough to grasp it. Some say that it's not a language at all; others say that it's the only language that makes sense.

Haskell would be Taoism - It is so different from other languages that many people don't understand how can anyone use it to produce anything useful. Its followers believe that it's the true path to wisdom, but that wisdom is beyond the grasp of most mortals.

Erlang would be Hinduism - It's another strange language that doesn't look like it could be used for anything, but unlike most other modern languages, it's built around the concept of multiple simultaneous deities.

Perl would be Voodoo - An incomprehensible series of arcane incantations that involve the blood of goats and permanently corrupt your soul. Often used when your boss requires you to do an urgent task at 21:00 on friday night.

Lua would be Wicca - A pantheistic language that can easily be adapted for different cultures and locations. Its code is very liberal, and allows for the use of techniques that might be described as magical by those used to more traditional languages. It has a strong connection to the moon.

Ruby would be Neo-Paganism - A mixture of different languages and ideas that was beaten together into something that might be identified as a language. Its adherents are growing fast, and although most people look at them suspiciously, they are mostly well-meaning people with no intention of harming anyone.

Python would be Humanism: It's simple, unrestrictive, and all you need to follow it is common sense. Many of the followers claim to feel relieved from all the burden imposed by other languages, and that they have rediscovered the joy of programming. There are some who say that it is a form of pseudo-code.

COBOL would be Ancient Paganism - There was once a time when it ruled over a vast region and was important, but nowadays it's almost dead, for the good of us all. Although many were scarred by the rituals demanded by its deities, there are some who insist on keeping it alive even today.

APL would be Scientology - There are many people who claim to follow it, but you've always suspected that it's a huge and elaborate prank that got out of control.

LOLCODE would be Pastafarianism - An esoteric, Internet-born belief that nobody really takes seriously, despite all the efforts to develop and spread it.

Visual Basic would be Satanism - Except that you don't REALLY need to sell your soul to be a Satanist...

Keep in mind, this list is a joke, and is not meant to offend anyone. Also, if you're a Muslim, please don't kill me. ;)

Hacker Manifesto - By The Mentor

The Conscience of a Hacker (also known as The Hacker Manifesto) is a small essay written January 8, 1986 by a hacker who went by the handle (or pseudonym) of The Mentor (born Loyd Blankenship). It was written after the author's arrest, and first published in the underground hacker ezine Phrack in Volume One, Issue 7, Phile 3 of 10. Today it can be found on countless websites.

It is considered a cornerstone of hacker culture, and it gives some insight into the psychology of early hackers. It is said to have shaped the hacker community's view of itself and its motivations. The Manifesto states that hackers choose to hack because it is a way for them to learn, and because they are often frustrated and bored in school. It also expresses the satori of a hacker realizing his potential in the realm of computers.

The article is quoted in the 1995 movie Hackers, although in the movie it is being read from an issue of the hacker magazine 2600, not a historically accurate printout of Phrack. It is also reproduced inside the CD case of the computer game Uplink.

This article also inspired Wraith (also known as Digital Overdrive ) to write "Why I'm A Hacker". "A Hacker Manifesto" is also the name of a book written by media studies professor McKenzie Wark.

The Mentor gave a reading of The Hacker Manifesto and offered additional insight at H2K2.[1]

To this day, the Manifesto acts as a guideline to hackers across the globe, especially those new to the field. It serves as an ethical foundation for hacking, and asserts that there is a point to hacking that supersedes selfish desires to exploit or harm other people (like black hat crackers/hackers), and that technology should be used to expand our horizons and try to keep the world free.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
==Phrack Inc.==Volume One, Issue 7, Phile 3 of 10=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

The following was written shortly after my arrest...\/\The Conscience of a Hacker/\/by+++The Mentor+++Written on January 8, 1986=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Another one got caught today, it's all over the papers. "TeenagerArrested in Computer Crime Scandal", "Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering"...Damn kids. They're all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain,ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder whatmade him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?I am a hacker, enter my world...Mine is a world that begins with school...

I'm smarter than most ofthe other kids, this crap they teach us bores me...Damn underachiever. They're all alike.I'm in junior high or high school. I've listened to teachers explainfor the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction.

I understand it. "No, Ms.Smith, I didn't show my work. I did it in my head..."Damn kid. Probably copied it. They're all alike.I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this iscool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because Iscrewed it up. Not because it doesn't like me...Or feels threatened by me...Or thinks I'm a smart ass...Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...Damn kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike.

And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing throughthe phone line like heroin through an addict's veins, an electronic pulse issent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought... a board isfound."This is it... this is where I belong..."I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked tothem, may never hear from them again... I know you all...Damn kid.

Tying up the phone line again. They're all alike...You bet your ass we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food atschool when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slipthrough were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, orignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us will-ing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.

This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, thebeauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without payingfor what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, andyou call us criminals.

We explore... and you call us criminals. We seekafter knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color,without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals.You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to usand try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime isthat of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like.My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive mefor.I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual,but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.

+++The Mentor+++

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My new website is Up and Running!!!

Dear All, A very Happy New Year 2008 to all of you out there.

A new year good news is that my new website named funcomputing is up and running. It has loads of features such as regular updates, downloads, forums, etc. If one is interested, one can also become a member of the mailing lists to receive regular email updates from me and other people who would like to share their knowledge and experiences.

Visit the site at:
http://www.freewebs.com/funcomputing

Drop in your comments and suggestions as well as sign my guestbook if you like it.

Long time no see !!!

Long time no see!!! Well, my last blog entry was somewhere around 15th August, 2007. Yes, and a lot of changes happened in my personal as well as professional life during the time period. To start with, I quit my old job with the Indian company in Hyderabad, and have joined a Swedish Telecom company in Sweden. Reasons were many apart from being able to provide more output as well as do some more meaningful and challenging job. I will elaborate on my reasons to leave the company in some of my future posts.

To go on, I also have bought an apartment in Malmö, Sweden. Then the best part of my life came with the birth of my beautiful, sweet little daughter in November 2007. You can find her pics at http://picasaweb.google.com/payaljobs/Sweety071115. And nowadays, I am busy playing and taking care of her. Life is good on both the fronts.

So thats it for the (re)start. Oh! and I was on a vacation for 10 days (known as Pappa days, which can be taken in Sweden after a child is born). And I had quite an amount of free time in the night (when the baby slept and I was not able to...), so I tried to see if the old things that I used to do when I was studying is still valid and does those superb websites/knowledgebases still exists? Yes am talking about cracking/hacking.

Most of the majority have been removed from general public/search engines. I had quite a challenge to get hold of the material again. But I am glad to say that my search is not a waste. And just to see if I am not rusted, I tried a crackme and I was successful. It makes me feel as if I am again young enough :).

Anyways, if you are those ethical or FBI/CBI guys reading this post, I have done nothing wrong. I am just trying to gather knowledge for learning and follow the proverb, Knowledge is Power. I will, just for fun write a new blog on my other blog (the hidden blog!!!???) about the crackme and a kind of tutorial. Cause I feel that the new generation of computer guys are just too abstract, totally out of reality. Also I feel that there is a need to teach people about the basics of computing.

All these high level languages and abstract concepts have really made todays computer engineers into abstract thinkers. No doubt they don't care about optimization, cpu and memory consumption, etc. as most of their job is done by compilers and linkers. And assembly, the key to everything, the utmost power is in ruins these days. I tried to search for some assembly things and I didn't get that many hits and I used to get when I was in college. So, I am on my mission to bring out the cool stuff and pass on the knowledge.

But you won't find it here on this blogs. It will be in a different blog site. Okay, I will give you a hint. The other blogging site is blogsome. So all you wanna be hackers out there, need to find my blog now. All the best. Believe me, its very easy.

Signing off for the day. Take Care...

Vande Matram - HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

Vande Mataram
The National Song of India

"Vande maataraM Vande maataraM
sujalaaM suphalaaM malayaja shiitalaaM
SasyashyaamalaaM maataram

Vande maataraM Vande maataraM

Shubhrajyotsnaa pulakitayaaminiiM
pullakusumita drumadala shobhiniiM
suhaasiniiM sumadhura bhaashhiNiiM
sukhadaaM varadaaM maataraM

Vande maataraM Vande maataraM

Koti koti kantha kalakalaninaada karaalekoti koti bhujai.
rdhR^itakharakaravaaleabalaa keno maa eto
balebahubaladhaariNiiM namaami taariNiiMripudalavaariNiiM maataraM

Vande maataraM Vande maataraM

Tumi vidyaa tumi dharmatumi
hR^idi tumi marmatvaM hi praaNaaH shariireBaahute
tumi maa shaktihR^idaye tumi maa bhaktitomaara i pratimaa gaDimandire mandire

Vande maataraM Vande maataraM

TvaM hi durgaa dashapraharaNadhaariNiikamalaa kamaladala
vihaariNiivaaNii vidyaadaayinii namaami tvaaM
Namaami kamalaaM amalaaM atulaaM
SujalaaM suphalaaM maataraM

Vande maataraM Vande maataraM

ShyaamalaaM saralaaM susmitaaM bhuushhitaaM
DharaNiiM bharaNiiM maataraM

Vande maataraM Vande maataraM
Vande maataraM Vande maataraM "

Translation by Shree Aurobindo

Mother, I bow to thee!Rich with thy hurrying streams,bright with orchard gleams,Cool with thy winds of delight,Dark fields waving Mother of might,Mother free.

Glory of moonlight dreams,Over thy branches and lordly streams,Clad in thy blossoming trees,Mother, giver of easeLaughing low and sweet!

Mother I kiss thy feet,Speaker sweet and low!Mother, to thee I bow. Who hath said thou art weak in thy landsWhen the sword flesh out in the seventy million hands And seventy million voices roar Thy dreadful name from shore to shore?

With many strengths who art mighty and stored, To thee I call Mother and Lord! Though who savest, arise and save!To her I cry who ever her foeman droveBack from plain and SeaAnd shook herself free.

Thou art wisdom, thou art law,Thou art heart, our soul, our breathThough art love divine, the aweIn our hearts that conquers death. Thine the strength that nervs the arm,Thine the beauty, thine the charm. Every image made divineIn our temples is but thine.

Thou art Durga, Lady and Queen,With her hands that strike and herswords of sheen, Thou art Lakshmi lotus-throned, And the Muse a hundred-toned, Pure and perfect without peer, Mother lend thine ear, Rich with thy hurrying streams, Bright with thy orchard gleems, Dark of hue O candid-fairIn thy soul, with jewelled hair And thy glorious smile divine, Lovilest of all earthly lands, Showering wealth from well-stored hands!

Mother, mother mine! Mother sweet, I bow to thee,Mother great and free! BHARATMA...

Vande Mataram Bankin Chandra composed the song Vande Mataram in an inspired moment, Rabindranath sang it by setting a glorious tune to it and it was left to the genius of Shri Aurobindo to interpret the deeper meaning of the song out of which India received the philosophy of new Nationalism.

The English translation of Vande Mataram rendered by Shree Aurobindo, is considered as official and best as per the book, Vande Mataram by Moni Bagchee

Resignation Letter!

A nice resignation letter poem in Hindi. Details out a lot on why people leave IT companies in India ;). My Hindi speaking friends ENJOY!!!

Funny Quotes!

Hi All,

Here are some funny quotes that you can use in your profile or make your girlfriend laugh or whatever.

• Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.-- Demetri Martin
• I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.-- Demetri Martin
• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.-- Bill Cosby
• If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.-- Dave Allen.
• The scientific theory I like the best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline baggage.— Max Born
• There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.— Fred Hoyle
• Sometimes I think we're alone in the universe. Sometimes I think we're not. In both cases the thought is equally shocking.— Arthur C. Clarke
• There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.— Douglas Adams
• In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.— Douglas Adams
• With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress.— Ransom K. Ferm
• My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.— Christopher Morley
• I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge.— Edward Chilton
• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.— Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson)
• One scientist to another: "I'm beginning to agree with the theory that space is curved — either that or my car is pulling to the left."— Hoest and Reiner
• Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny yet measurable distance from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs. The tallest ones, anyway.
• Scientists have discovered that time is not real, that we only live in the current moment. But then according to that, they haven't done the research, and don't really have anything to back them up, do they?
• Black holes are where God divided by zero.— Steven Wright
• If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on earth?
• Time is an illusion... lunchtime, doubly so.— Douglas Adams, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe"
• What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.— Dave Barry
• Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.— Aldous Huxley
• Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a trip around the sun.— Clay Center Wisdom
• A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.-- Demetri Martin
• Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with more than one million gags, and he still couldn't make me laugh.-- Eddie Murphy
• He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.-- Bertolt Brecht
• We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him.-- Napoleon Bonaparte
• You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.-- Stephen King
• Laughter is higher than all pain.-- Elbert Hubbard

Okay, I didn't search the net and collect it for you guys. It was done by some other noble man or some other noble blog. I just made a copy :)